TOP5 PETS
Humor with a cold wet nose
Humor with a cold wet nose
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TOPFIVE.COM'S LITTLE FIVERS -- PETS
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March 5, 2001
NOTE FROM SANDRA:
Welcome to Top 5 Pets, home of humor with a cold, wet nose!
Our contributors are all freshly groomed and about to piddle
on the floor in excitement over our very first list:
The Top 8 Reasons Cats Don't Go Into Politics
8> The last cat to run for president chose a ball of string
as his running mate.
7> Secret Service agents simply shrug off the first 8
assassinations.
6> Bible Belt voters don't look kindly on candidates who indulge
in daily tongue baths.
5> High risk of baby-kissing tragedies resulting from that
sandpaper-like tongue.
4> Too much confusion over term limits with that whole nine
lives thing.
3> Past alleged use of catnip won't stand up to public scrutiny.
2> Too easily distracted by confetti and streamers at conventions.
and the Number 1 Reason Cats Don't Go Into Politics...
1> Hack up a hairball, land on the front page of the
Washington Post.
[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]
[ http://www.topfive.com ]
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Selected from 40 submissions from 14 contributors.
Today's Top 5 Pets List authors are:
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Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL -- 1, 3 (Good boy! 1st #1)
Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 1 (Good boy! 1st #1)
Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY -- 2, 6
Kathy Good, Phoenix, AZ -- 3, 4
Bill Strider, Gaithersburg, MD -- 3, Runner Up list name
Brian M. Klesc, Joliet, IL -- 5
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 7
Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA -- 8
Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- Topic
Sandra Hull, Arlington VA -- List Vet
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Reasons Cats Don't Go Into Politics
RUNNERS UP list -- "Litter Box"
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Because dogs are so much better at ass-licking & butt-sniffing.
(Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia)
Campaign managers quit in frustration when told they must schedule
around 37 naps per day.
(Brian M. Klesc, Joliet, IL)
Cover-ups are so much easier in a litter box.
(Dennis Koho, Keizer, OR)
It's not as much fun to lie when you don't have fingers to cross.
(Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA)
Pretending you actually might give a damn is so *not* going to
happen.
(Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA)
(Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY)
(Doug Finney, Houston, TX)
(Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL)
(Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)
The Secret Service frowns on climbing the curtains in the oval
office.
(Bill Strider, Gaithersburg, MD)
Their favorite perk, the Legislators' Daily Lasagna Buffet, has
been discontinued ever since the Garfield administration.
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
They don't have to get elected to Congress in order to ignore
people.
(Dennis Koho, Keizer, OR)
They promise to protect social security funds by putting them
in a "litter box."
(Beth Baniszewski, Columbia, MD)
They refuse to kiss up to anyone named Byrd, even if he *is* a
senator.
(Bill Strider, Gaithersburg, MD)
They're afraid that they'll always be in hot water.
(Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA)
Too much bad blood: the House always votes for kibbles, the Senate
always chooses bits.
(Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA)
Under the impression that Washington is already dominated by a
powerful breed of "fat cats."
(Brian M. Klesc, Joliet, IL)
When they try to kiss babies the mothers always freak out.
(Doug Finney, Houston, TX)
Worried about the political race becoming a dog-fight.
(Doug Finney, Houston, TX)
Runner Up list name
(Bill Strider, Gaithersburg, MD)
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[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White All rights reserved. ]
[ Do not forward, publish, broadcast, or use ]
[ in any manner without crediting "TopFive.com" ]
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