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                          March 26, 2001


                The Top 9 Differences if the NCAA
              Basketball Tournament Were Run by Dogs


 9> Not only is "traveling" no longer a violation, it's joyously 
    greeted by heavy panting and hanging one's head out the window.

 8> Stanford's tree mascot has to change its costume every 
    time-out.

 7> New method of "dribbling" is hell on the hardwood floors.

 6> After a thunderous dunk a player would drop trou and mark the
    backboard as his territory.

 5> An average of 7 refs mauled are each year as a result of faking
    throwing the ball up at the tip-off.

 4> Anyone caught double dribbling will be assumed to be rabid and
    destroyed accordingly.

 3> U. Conn Huskies:  Automatically in Final Four.  
    Kentucky Wildcats:  Automatically chased up a tree.

 2> In order to score, the new rules require both ball *and* 
    player to pass through the hoop.


             and the Number 1 Difference if the NCAA 
            Basketball Tournament Were Run by Dogs...


 1> Five fouls and you're neutered.



              [   Copyright 2001 by Chris White    ]
              [       http://www.topfive.com       ]


==================================================================
Selected from 41 submissions from 15 contributors.
Today's Top 5 Pets List authors are:
------------------------------------------------------------------
Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL         -- 1, 3  (3rd #1)
Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA -- 2, 7, Banner tag
Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL          -- 3
Mike Wolf, Brookline, MA          -- 3, 5, 8 (Purr-fecta!)
Dave Ferry, Leesburg, VA          -- 3
Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA    -- 4
Beth Baniszewski, Columbia, MD    -- 5,Topic
Mark Weiss, Austin, TX            -- 6
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA      -- 9, HM list name
Paul Paternoster, Los Altos, CA   -- Runner Up list name
Sandra Hull, Arlington VA         -- List Vet

==================================================================
  Differences if the NCAA Basketball Tournament Were Run by Dogs
           RUNNERS UP list  --  Who Let These Dogs In?
------------------------------------------------------------------

Alley-oop passes may only be caught with one's teeth.
          (Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)

Penalties incur a whack on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper 
and banishment to outside the arena for the rest of the night.
          (Dennis Koho, Keizer, OR)
          (Kevin Paul Wickart, Normal, IL)
          (Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY)
          (Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)

Players have to fight with the event organizers for loose-ball 
possession.
          (Kevin Paul Wickart, Normal, IL)

Wall-to-wall carpet installed on that freakin' slippery floor!
          (Bill Strider, Gaithersburg, MD)

You can "take it to the hole" but burying is forbidden.
          (Paul Paternoster, Los Altos, CA)


Runner Up list name
          (Paul Paternoster, Los Altos, CA)

------------------------------------------------------------------
  Differences if the NCAA Basketball Tournament Were Run by Dogs
              HONORABLE MENTION list -- Flea Throws
------------------------------------------------------------------

All the NBA scouting buzz centers around a particular Golden 
Retriever.
          (Karen Tefft, Stray)

Crotch-sniffing no longer considered a flagrant foul.
          (Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL)

Dribbling the ball is replaced with drooling on the ball.
          (Karen Tefft, Stray)
          (Dave Ferry, Leesburg, VA)

Mascots are allowed only as long as they bear no similarities 
to cats or rodents.
          (Paul Paternoster, Los Altos, CA)

Once a team marks its end of the court, they get to keep that 
end for the whole game.
          (Dennis Koho, Keizer, OR)

Pre-game handshakes replaced by pre-game sniffing.
          (Kevin Paul Wickart, Normal, IL)
          (Dennis Koho, Keizer, OR)
          (Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY)
          (Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA)

Seeding based on strength of schedule, overall record and 
butt smell.
          (Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL)

The cheerleaders really *are* bitches.
          (Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA)
          (Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL)


Honorable Mention list name
          (Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)



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[      Copyright 2001 by Chris White   All rights reserved.      ]
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