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                          April 23, 2001


            The Top 9 Signs Your Pet Has Been Laid Off
 

 9> "Polly wants a food stamp... Polly wants a food stamp... 
     baaawk."
 
 8> Has considered going back to obedience school for a master's.
 
 7> Pesters you for information on how to withdraw money from a 
    401k without incurring a penalty.
 
 6> Starts leaving his "resume" in all of your neighbors' yards.
 
 5> Becomes evasive when you ask him how his day went.
 
 4> Is starting to doubt his alpha-male-hood.
 
 3> Your parakeet keeps "highlighting" classified ads on the 
    bottom of its cage.
 
 2> No more of that confidential disclosure crap at the end of 
    his e-mails.
 

    and the Number 1 Sign Your Pet Has Been Laid Off ...
 

 1> Asks his groomer for "something a little more corporate."



              [   Copyright 2001 by Chris White    ]
              [       http://www.topfive.com       ]



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Selected from 39 submissions from 14 contributors.
Today's Top5 Pets List authors are:
------------------------------------------------------------------
Justin Cascio, Perth Amboy, NJ           --  1 (Good Boy! 1st #1)
Bill Strider, Gaithersburg, MD           --  2, HM List Name
Adam Chunn, Houston, TX                  --  3, 6, RU List Name
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA             --  3
Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY            --  4
Mark Weiss, Austin, TX                   --  5, 7
Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL                --  8
Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA        --  9
Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL                --  Topic
Bill Strider, Gaithersburg, MD           --  Banner Tag
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA               --  List Vet

==================================================================
                 Signs Your Pet Has Been Laid Off
        RUNNERS UP list  --  What Color is Your Parakeet?
------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Blows unemployment check on inflatable legs and cheap catnip.
          (Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL)
 
Just lolls around the house all day, showing no sign of initiative,
like the food is just going to be magically provided somehow...
          (Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
 
Mr. Ed no longer talks to Wilbur; he just mumbles about what an 
ass his agent is.
          (Dave Ferry, Leesburg, VA)
 
Overheard muttering, 'Old dog, new tricks, my ass!'
          (Kathy Good, Phoenix, AZ)
 
Rover's been cleaning his rifle for three hours, muttering about 
"those snooty bitches at the office."
          (Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY)
 
You catch Fido doing a hotjobs.com search for "Crotch Lickers."
          (Dawson Rambo, Stray)
 

Runner Up list name
          (Adam Chunn, Houston, TX)
 
------------------------------------------------------------------
                 Signs Your Pet Has Been Laid Off
          HONORABLE MENTION list  --  Reduction In Humor
------------------------------------------------------------------
 
He comes home, tail between his legs, with flowers in his mouth, 
and those sad, puppy dog eyes.
          (Kate Melnyk, Stray)
 
He starts trying to remember where he hid all those bones.
          (Kate Melnyk, Stray)
 
He suddenly expects *you* to pay for dog food.
          (Bill Strider, Gaithersburg, MD)
 
Kitty now only sleeps 18 hrs per day; spends rest of time looking
for work.
          (Cheri Hoyt, Binghamton, New York)
 
Sells his entire Snoopy collection on eBay.
          (Kathy Good, Phoenix, AZ)
 
The hamster wheel has been repossessed by RodentBank, Inc.
          (Cheri Hoyt, Binghamton, New York)
 
Walks around in his PJs all day
          (Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY)
 

Honorable Mention list name
          (Bill Strider, Gaithersburg, MD)



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[      Copyright 2001 by Chris White   All rights reserved.      ]
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