Humor with a cold wet nose

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Chris White

Top 50 Pet Sites
           Filter?  We don't need no steenking filter.

                           July 3, 2001

             The Top 9 Most Questionable Money-Saving
                    Tips for the Home Aquarium

 9> Recycle litterbox doots as "rocks" for the bottom.
 8> BBs inserted in dead fishes' mouths will keep them from 
    floating to the top and give your tank that more populated look.
 7> The perfect space-saving tank is achieved using *narrow* fish
    and your old ant farm.
 6> Carve your own treasure chest out of soap.
 5> Don't buy Head and Shoulders *or* fish food!  Two birds 
    with one stone, baby!
 4> A good thick coating of Alaskan crude on the top of the water 
    will prevent evaporation.
 3> A mouth-driven siphon tube to clean the tank is not only 
    cheaper than an under-gravel filter, but also provides a 
    nutrient-rich power beverage.
 2> Silverfish are much cheaper than goldfish.

                and the Number 1 Most Questionable
             Money-Saving Tip for the Home Aquarium...

 1> Sperm are basically like little fish, when you think 
    about it....

              [   Copyright 2001 by Chris White    ]
              [       ]

Selected from 47 submissions from 17 contributors.
Today's Top5 Pets List authors are:
Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY        --  1, 5  (Attaboy! 1st #1)
Mike Wolf, Brookline, MA          --  2
Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI     --  3, Topic
Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA    --  4
Bill Strider, Gaithersburg, MD    --  6
Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA --  7, RU list name
Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY     --  8
Dawson E. Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA   --  9
Chuck Schultz, Eastaboga, AL      -- Banner Tag
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA        -- List Vet

    Most Questionable Money-Saving Tips for the Home Aquarium
                  RUNNERS UP list  --  Floaters
Aquarium gravel makes a dandy coffee filter, and the fish swim 
faster afterwards.
          (Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA)
Club soda instead of regular water keeps the tank clean, aerates 
without those expensive motors and hoses, and gives the fish a 
fun bit of bubbly, all at the same time!
          (Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)
For the fastest tank cleaning in town?  Two words:  SHOP VAC
          (Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)
          (Justin Cascio, Perth Amboy, NJ)
Forget those fancy fish foods, most fish *love* table scraps.
          (Doug Finney, Houston, TX)
          (Brian E. Foster I, Fairfax, VA)
Leave a straw in the tank, make a house rule that every time anyone
passes by the tank they must blow bubbles for 1 minute.
          (Adam Chunn, Houston, TX)
          (Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)
Save time and money, bleach the tank while the water and fish are 
still in it!
          (Kate Melnyk, Attleboro, MA)
          (Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY)
          (James Knowles, Bellingham, WA)
Swordtails are the deadly assassins of the fish world.  To 
prevent loss, arm other fish with tiny switchblades.
          (Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI)
That old Ford Pinto you have up on blocks in the front yard 
will hold enough water to serve as a tasteful Koi display.
(Have a qualified mechanic remove the exploding gas tank 
prior to indoor use, however.)
          (Chuck Schultz, Eastaboga, AL)
They're probably going to die anyway so instead of buying 
expensive exotics just float a few fish sticks in the tank.
          (Doug Finney, Houston, TX)
Use a toaster to heat the water for those rare tropical fish.
          (Dawson E. Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA)
Use M&Ms instead of gravel.  As they melt, they feed the fish.
          (Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY)
You don't need a fancy pump to keep the water bubbling.  Simply 
put the tank on the stove and keep at a steady boil.
          (Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY)

Runner Up list name
          (Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)

[      Copyright 2001 by Chris White   All rights reserved.      ]
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