coldwetnose.ws - humor with a cold wet nose

TOP5 PETS HAS MOVED
Dreadful sorry about the intrusive Tripod ads. We have pulled up stakes and moved to an ad-free environment^*.
Join us in our new space by closing the panel on the left then clicking this link:
http://coldwetnose.ws
If the unwanted sidebar window on the left opens up along with it, you can get rid of the offending portion by clicking the "x" in its upper right-hand corner. Click on the actual window on the left, not on the explanatory graphic below.

^* Ok, there are a few small ads at the bottom of the main page, BUT Top5 Pets directly benefits from them. We keep them unobtrusive.

Top5 Pets is owned by
Chris White www.topfive.com

For assistance, contact the whelp desk. July 9, 2001 The Top 8 Bio-Engineered Pets We Would Like To See 8> Siamese Siamese cats 7> Telepathic dogs with opposable thumbs to grab beers for you during the big game 6> A pet rock that will fetch your paper 5> Dog that not only provides companionship and protection, but can also prepare a really good white sauce 4> A cat whose urine smells like potpourri 3> Male hamsters with less intimidating genitalia 2> Flatulent fish that automatically aerate their own aquarium and the Number 1 Bio-Engineered Pet We Would Like To See... 1> Guinea pigs that explode violently upon contact with cosmetic products [ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ] [ http://www.topfive.com ] ================================================================== Selected from 35 submissions from 13 contributors. Today's Top 5 Pets List authors are: ------------------------------------------------------------------ Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI -- 1 (Attaboy! 1st #1) Adam Chunn, Houston, TX -- 2, 3 Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 4 Chuck Schultz, Eastaboga, AL -- 4 Kate Melnyk, Attleboro, MA -- 5 Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY -- 6, 8, RU list name Dawson E. Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA -- 7 James Knowles, Bellingham, WA -- Topic Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA -- Topic Bill Strider, Gaithersburg, MD -- Banner Tag Sandra Hull, Arlington VA -- List Vet ================================================================== Bio-Engineered Pets We Would Like To See RUNNERS UP list -- Biohazard ------------------------------------------------------------------ A trainable cat (Chuck Schultz, Eastaboga, AL) (Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY) Cats that could talk, but only if they used a "Veddy Proper" British accent (Dawson E. Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA) Combat Gerbils. By day: cute, harmless pets; By night: Vigilante Rodents of Doom hunting down and slaying the perpetrators of those crude gerbil jokes. (James Knowles, Bellingham, WA) Dogs with no romantic interest in human legs whatsoever (Dawson E. Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA) Literally golden retrievers (Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY) Parrots with opposable thumbs so they can get their own damn cracker (Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI) Poison snake with antivenin in its left fang (Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA) Poodles who actually look good in little booties and matching sweaters (Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA) Self-flushing goldfish (Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA) (Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA) Self-walking dog with built-in poop-scoop and bags (Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA) Runner Up list name (Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY) ================================================================== [ Copyright 2001 by Chris White All rights reserved. ] [ Do not forward, publish, broadcast, or use ] [ in any manner without crediting "TopFive.com" ] ==================================================================