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                Add water to make delicious gravy


                          July 23, 2001


               The Top 8 Worst Puppy Training Tips


 8> "Now that's a good boy!  Go ahead, hump Daddy's leg now,
    you earned it..."

 7> Punish your puppy for showing "peeing" and "pooing" behavior.
    You'll have none of that.

 6> To create a negative association with chasing mail carriers,
    whack your puppy's rump with third-rate bulk mail.

 5> If your puppy won't listen to you, get a second puppy.  Peer 
    pressure works wonders.

 4> Using a pair of Grandma's socks as a wrestle toy will make 
    your young pit bull associate her scent with "protection" 
    so he will always keep her safe.

 3> Place several layers of newspaper in a corner.  Then 
    demonstrate so the puppy will know what you want him to do.

 2> When he makes a mess on the rug, make *him* clean it up, 
    and don't take any of that "I don't have any thumbs!" crap
    from him, either.


    and the Number 1 Worst Puppy Training Tip...


 1> A small-sized Depends will fit a Great Dane pup.



              [   Copyright 2001 by Chris White    ]
              [       http://www.topfive.com       ]



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Selected from 36 submissions from 13 contributors.
Today's Top5 Pets List authors are:
------------------------------------------------------------------
Dave Ferry, Leesburg, VA        -- 1 (Attaboy! 2nd #1)
Dawson E. Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA -- 2
Bill Strider, Gaithersburg, MD  -- 3, 5
Adam Chunn, Houston, TX         -- 4, 8, Banner tag
Justin Cascio, Perth Amboy, NJ  -- 6
Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI   -- 7, Topic
Kate Melnyk, Attleboro, MA      -- Runner Up list name
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA      -- List Vet

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                    Worst Puppy Training Tips
               RUNNERS UP list  --  Pup The Academy
------------------------------------------------------------------

"Bite the tire!  Bite it before it gets away!"
          (Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)

"SIT... good doggy!"
"STAY... attaboy!"
"DECONSTRUCT SHAKESPEARE... stupid mutt."
          (James Knowles, Bellingham, WA)

Don't be fooled... they *do* understand English.  If you talk 
long enough and clearly enough, he'll understand you.
          (Dawson E. Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA)

Feed him liquid latex to encourage him to produce only those 
hilarious gag rubber dog doots.
          (Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI)

If you own a Yorkie, just forget about it and move to a house with
linoleum floors in every room.
          (Dave Ferry, Leesburg, VA)

Only let puppy pee on papers with no political slant.
          (Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY)

Restrict them to chewing shoes on lower rack only.
          (Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY)

So female guests do not feel intimidated, train puppy to sniff 
male crotches as well.
          (Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY)


Runner Up list name
          (Kate Melnyk, Attleboro, MA)




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