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TOPFIVE.COM'S LITTLE FIVERS -- PETS
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Bailiff! Clean that up!
August 6, 2001
NOTE FROM THE LIST VET:
A lawsuit was recently brought against an Ohio vet by
Poopi the Poodle for attempting to spay her a second
time during a routine teeth-cleaning. We here at
Top5 Pets have two thoughts about this: First, once
this suit is settled, Poopi should slap her owners with
a hefty mental anguish suit for naming her "Poopi."
Second, we got to wondering about...
The Top 10 Lawsuits Filed By Pets
10> Strays: Suing McDonald's because French fries in dumpster
behind restaurant were too hot.
9> Restraining order preventing you from lowering the toilet lid.
8> Cat: Failure to provide adequate food, clothing, shelter,
bedding, toys, catnip, companions, treats, grooming
assistance, and entertainment. No, it doesn't matter that
you spent half your yearly income trying to please me.
It simply was not good enough.
7> Dogs: Class-action suit against the growers, producers,
manufacturers, and distributors of catnip for failure to
provide DOGNIP as well.
6> Alienation of affection for forcibly removing dog from
human's leg.
5> Dogs: Personal injury and mental anguish for that pretending-
to-throw-the-Frisbee trick... let's see who's laughing *now*,
big guy!
4> Wrongful death -- "Put to *sleep*?" That was NO sleep, man!
3> Class-action suit brought by cats against cat owners. No
particular complaint, the cats have simply found another
way to annoy us.
2> Assault and Battery -- okay, okay, so the defendant called
it a "bath"...
and the Number 1 Lawsuit Filed By Pets...
1> Consumer Fraud over misleading use of the word "fixed."
[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]
[ http://www.topfive.com ]
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Selected from 38 submissions from 14 contributors.
Today's Top5 Pets List authors are:
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James Knowles, Bellingham, WA -- 1, 3 (Attaboy! 1st #1)
Kate Melnyk, Attleboro, MA -- 2, 4
Susanne Turner, Stray -- 5, 7, 8 (Purr-fecta!)
Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY -- 5
Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY -- 6, 8
Cheri Hoyt, Binghamton, New York -- 8
Dawson E. Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA -- 9
Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA -- 10
Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA -- RU List Name, Banner Tag
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- List Vet
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Lawsuits Filed By Pets
RUNNERS UP list -- Kibbles and Writs
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Cat: Restraining order preventing you from ever touching them.
(Dawson E. Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA)
Class action to remedy widespread discrimination against the
"opposable thumb challenged."
(Brian E. Foster, Fairfax, VA)
Cockatoos: Class action suit by males against lexicographers
for creating "undue pain and performance anxiety generated by
impossible expectations."
(Paul Kocak, Syracuse, NY)
Dogs and cats: Suit against owners alleging gross malfleasance.
(Paul Kocak, Syracuse, NY)
Fido vs. Fire Department: Personal injury suit concerning
contact with a frozen fire hydrant.
(James Knowles, Bellingham, WA)
Gerbil: Suing the world for libel. They trust you know why.
(Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY)
Goldfish: suing owner for not enough "entertainment" variety.
(Cheri Hoyt, Binghamton, New York)
The turd-eating pet sues the turd-making pet after suffering a
bout of turd poisoning.
(Brian E. Foster, Fairfax, VA)
Worker's compensation suit filed by Fluffy against Peking
Palace for accidental amputation. Case dismissed due to
missing evidence.
(Adam Chunn, Houston, TX)
Runner Up list name
(Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)
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[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White All rights reserved. ]
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[ in any manner without crediting "TopFive.com" ]
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