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                         September 10, 2001


    The Top 9 REAL Reasons Why Your Dog is So Happy to See You


 9> He has no pockets for a wallet, and *somebody* has to post
    bail for the cat.

 8> All he needs to finish the crossword puzzle is the answer
    to 13 down: a 5-letter word for "opposable digit."

 7> Those cans of Alpo don't exactly open themselves.

 6> After a hard day of licking yourself and drinking out of
    the toilet, there's nothing more refreshing than wiping 
    your tongue on a nice clean face.

 5> If he greets you enthusiastically enough, you might not 
    notice right away that the three cats, two goldfish, and
    the hamster are all [*BURRRP!*] mysteriously missing.

 4> He's spent the day humping the furniture and your leg 
    is looking SO FINE!

 3> He's been having a hard time articulating the "extreme 
    nerd-factor" of his Top5-contributor-owner to the cute 
    little Shiba Inu next door; now that you're home he can
    just SHOW her.

 2> He can't wait to see how long it takes you to notice he's 
    switched your regular coffee with Folger's Crystals.


                 and the Number 1 REAL Reason Why
                Your Dog is So Happy to See You...


 1> You ever try talking to the goldfish?  Nothing but sports,
    sports, sports.



              [   Copyright 2001 by Chris White    ]
              [       http://www.topfive.com       ]



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Selected from 32 submissions from 12 contributors.
Today's Top5 Pets List authors are:
------------------------------------------------------------------
Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA    -- 1, 6, 9 (Purr-fecta!)(1st #1!)
Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA -- 2, 3, 5 (Purr-fecta!)
Patrick O'Driscoll, St Louis, MO  -- 4, 7
Jake Tompkins, Aledo, TX          -- 4
Dawson E. Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA   -- 4
Brian M. Klesc, Joliet, IL        -- 6
Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA  -- 7
Chuck Schultz, Eastaboga, AL      -- 7
Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA    -- 8, Banner Tag
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA     -- Topic
Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA -- Runner Up list name
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA        -- List Vet

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         REAL Reasons Why Your Dog Is So Happy to See You
          RUNNERS UP list  --  Barking Up The Wrong Tree
------------------------------------------------------------------

Because you give the best head... scratches.
          (James Knowles, Bellingham, WA)

He anxiously awaits getting to blame the mess on your kid.
          (Kate Melnyk, Attleboro, MA)

He can't wait for you to find the little "present" he left in 
one of your slippers.
          (Dawson E. Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA)

Now when he licks his testicles he'll have an audience.  Great 
art should be appreciated.
          (Dawson E. Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA)
          (Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA)

That accursed vacuum cleaner seems to be inching closer to the 
outlet when no one is watching.
          (Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA)

The cat has been practicing S&M techniques on him.
          (Kate Melnyk, Attleboro, MA)

The cat spent the day reading the instruction booklet that 
came with the vacuum cleaner.
          (Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA)

You take him walking where all the fine bitches hang out.
          (Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY)

You're better company then that stupid chew toy.
          (Jake Tompkins, Aledo, TX)

You're how he spells R-E-L-I-E-F
          (Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY )


Runner Up list name
          (Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)



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