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                        September 24, 2001

      The Top 10 Reasons Pets Aren't Welcome in Opera Houses

10> PETA may approve of the wanton mauling of fur stoles, but 
    management frowns on it.

 9> Every production of "Das Rheingold" and "Barber of Seville"
    is ruined by cwazy wabbits.

 8> Snakes hiss in all the wrong parts.

 7> They always let their cell phones ring through the arias.

 6> All that hissing, scratching, howling and snooty behavior?
    Those divas are a bad influence on cats!

 5> Border Collies always try to herd performers wearing horned

 4> Obnoxious felines are always heckling the performers to 
    "do 'Memory', man!"

 3> Canine stagehands keep forgetting that they're supposed 
    to use *tape* to mark stage locations.

 2> Ushers refuse to handle drool-soaked tickets.

  and the Number 1 Reason Pets Aren't Welcome in Opera Houses...

 1> Parrots yell "Bravo!" when "Brava!" or "Bravi!" is appropriate.

              [   Copyright 2001 by Chris White    ]
              [       ]

Selected from 36 submissions from 14 contributors.
Today's Top 5 Pets List authors are:
Kevin Paul Wickart, Normal, IL    -- 1, 9 (Attaboy! 2nd #1)
Patrick O'Driscoll, St Louis, MO  -- 2
Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA    -- 3
Susanne Turner, Louisville, KY    -- 3
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA      -- 4
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA     -- 5, 6
Kate Melnyk, Attleboro, MA        -- 5
Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL         -- 7
Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY     -- 8
Dawson E. Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA   -- 9
Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA    -- 10, Topic
Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA -- Runner Up list name
Adam Chunn, Houston, TX           -- Banner Tag
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA        -- List Vet

           Reasons Pets Aren't Welcome in Opera Houses
                   RUNNERS UP list  --  Aria 51

Because most dogs lack the necessary cultural and educational 
background to appreciate the artistic beauty of opera.  That and 
they piss on the curtains.
          (James Knowles, Bellingham, WA)

Broken glass from goldfish bowls shattered by sustained high 
notes deemed too great an insurance risk.
          (Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA)

Dogs always want to eat the cake during "The Wedding of Figaro."
          (Dawson E. Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA)

Dogs playing poker?  Cool!  Dogs singing TOSCA??  Dude!
You just harshed my buzz.
          (Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)

Ever try to find a tux to fit a St. Bernard?
          (Dawson E. Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA)

Instead of purchasing drinks in the lobby during intermission,
dogs rush to the restrooms and monopolize the toilet bowls.
          (Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA)

Pavarotti vowed to never again appear with "that scene-stealing 
monkey bastard."
          (Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY)

The "Queen of the Night" aria is always taken as a challenge 
by all the dogs in the audience to howl higher, longer, and 
faster, and it really, really pisses off the prima donna when
they win.
          (Susanne Turner, Louisville, KY)
          (Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY)

Turtles faint at the sight of the Sydney Opera House.
          (Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia)

They can't afford the ticket price.
          (Patrick O'Driscoll, St Louis, MO)

Runner Up list name
          (Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)

[      Copyright 2001 by Chris White   All rights reserved.      ]
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