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TOPFIVE.COM'S LITTLE FIVERS -- PETS
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More driveway than is fit to drag your butt across
October 1, 2001
NOTE FROM THE LIST VET:
October is Adopt-A-Shelter-Dog Month.
So you know what to expect when you go to pick out
your pooch, we have prepared for you a list of...
The Top 9 Least Known Steps in the Dog Adoption Process
9> Two weeks of primal howl therapy.
8> As soon as you walk in the door for your adoption interview
one staffer jumps on you and knocks you down, a second pees
on your briefcase, and a third hits you repeatedly in the
groin with a wet sponge mop.
7> Men must sever relations with their best friends as a
gesture of good faith.
6> Certified letter from a qualified plumber attesting to
potability of your home's toilet water supply.
5> The realization that you can't have dignity and pick up
poop at the same time.
4> Owner must sign a Statement of Intentions Regarding
My Testicles.
3> Submission of crotch aroma samples from family members for
compatibility testing.
2> Psychological profiling to eliminate latent "cat-person"
personality types.
and the Number 1 Least Known Step in the Dog Adoption Process...
1> If he has papers, make sure he knows how to go on them.
[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]
[ http://www.topfive.com ]
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Selected from 37 submissions from 13 contributors.
Today's Top 5 Pets List authors are:
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Dave Ferry, Leesburg, VA -- 1 (Attaboy! 3rd #1)
Adam Chunn, Houston, TX -- 2, 3
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA -- 4
Dawson E. Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA -- 4
Kate Melnyk, Attleboro, MA -- 5
Brian E. Foster, Fairfax, VA -- 6, 7
Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA -- 6
Justin Cascio, Perth Amboy, NJ -- 8
Kevin Paul Wickart, Normal, IL -- 8
Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 9
Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA -- Topic
Adam Chunn, Houston, TX -- Runner Up list name, Banner tag
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- List Vet
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Least Known Steps in the Dog Adoption Process
RUNNERS UP list -- Cider House Drools
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Approval of credit line at local pet store.
(Justin Cascio, Perth Amboy, NJ)
Demonstration of willingness to share home with dog by moving into
a landfill for six months.
(Kevin Paul Wickart, Normal, IL)
Have all furniture replaced with durable cinder blocks.
(Justin Cascio, Perth Amboy, NJ)
New poodle owners must agree to not give the dog a poofy hair
style.
(Dave Ferry, Leesburg, VA)
(James Knowles, Bellingham, WA)
Potential master must acknowledge that a Great Dane can be a
lap dog.
(Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY)
Prospective adopters of Jack Russell Terriers must score at least
120 on a Stanford-Binet intelligence test.
(Kevin Paul Wickart, Normal, IL)
Screening out psychically harmful family names such as Katz.
(Stephen Dudzik, Olney, MD)
Start saving baggies. Lots and lots of baggies.
(Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA)
The Dog has the right to inspect your leg for overall
attractiveness and hump-a-bility.
(Dawson E. Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA)
Timed test to see how long it takes you to find The Spot
on your prospective dog's belly.
(Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA)
Verify that adopting family has an ample supply of Frisbees.
(Stephen Dudzik, Olney, MD)
You sign away any rights to a hair-free environment.
(Kate Melnyk, Attleboro, MA)
Runner Up list name
(Adam Chunn, Houston, TX)
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[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White All rights reserved. ]
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