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Chris White

Top 50 Pet Sites
    Feed list a raw egg once a week to promote glossy coat

                         October 8, 2001

        The Top 10 Ways to Hide Your Pet from the Landlord

10> Now's the perfect time to discover for yourself what it's 
    like to have a weasel in your pants.

 9> A white beard for you, a pair of foam antlers for the cat.

 8> Dressing your dog up as your girlfriend works at family 
    reunions, so why wouldn't the landlord buy it?

 7> Artistic use of colored tissue paper, a glue gun and wire 
    can transform the average house cat into a faux pinata.

 6> Keep pets' passports and plenty of cash in a handy place in
    case they have to skip the country for a few weeks.

 5> Attach stem and bowl; drill carb hole in aquarium; invite 
    landlord to toke up.

 4> Shave your Golden Retriever's tail and complain that you 
    have an infestation of giant Bolivian long-haired rats.

 3> Wrap the Shih Tzu in aluminum foil, pass him off as an AIBO.

 2> Put her by the leaky faucet that hasn't been fixed in 

    and the Number 1 Way to Hide Your Pet from the Landlord...

 1> Let your landlord just go ahead and TRY to find that 

              [   Copyright 2001 by Chris White    ]
              [       ]

Selected from 54 submissions from 19 contributors.
Today's Top5 Pets List authors are:
Patrick O'Driscoll, St Louis, MO -- 1 (Good boy! 1st #1)
Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY    -- 2
Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY       -- 2
Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA   -- 3
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA    -- 4, 10, Topic
Justin Cascio, Perth Amboy, NJ   -- 5
Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI    -- 6
Kathy Good, Phoenix, AZ          -- 7
Kate Melnyk, Attleboro, MA       -- 8
Bill Strider, Gaithersburg, MD   -- 9, RU List Name
Dennis Koho, Keizer, OR          -- 10
Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA   -- Banner Tag
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA       -- List Vet

             Ways to Hide Your Pet from the Landlord
                   RUNNERS UP list  --  Evicted

A prolonged "Stay," the perfect lampshade and presto! 
Problem solved.
          (Kathy Good, Phoenix, AZ)
          (Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)

Are fish allowed?  Okay, then... how long can Fluffy hold her 
          (Chuck Schultz, Eastaboga, AL)
          (Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY)

Attach a zipper to the cat's back: instant sofa cushion.
          (Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA)

Brag about your holographic screensaver.
          (Bill Strider, Gaithersburg, MD)

Distract landlord with milk and bone-shaped "cookies" while you
hustle pets into the next room.
          (Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI)

Get your pot-bellied pig to lie on a plate with an apple in 
his mouth, then invite your landlord to stay for dinner.
          (Susanne Turner, Louisville, KY)

Got a Poodle?  Three words: Velcro(R) ceiling tiles.
          (Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA)

Hey, if *you* are humping the landlord's leg, he's not likely 
to notice the dog.
          (Bill Strider, Gaithersburg, MD)

Overfeed the dachshund until he can't move, then use him as a 
          (Susanne Turner, Louisville, KY)

Pretend to be blind, but only if you have a dog. I mean, whoever
heard of a seeing-eye iguana?
          (Patrick O'Driscoll, St Louis, MO)

Tape a broomstick to Fifi's butt, tell the landlord she's a 
novelty dust mop.
          (Dawson E. Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA)
          (Mike Wolf, Brookline, MA)

Throw him way up high. (Short-term visits only.)
          (Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)

Train your dogs to hold cards and a cigar; impress your landlord
with your authentic "Dogs Playing Poker" statues.
          (Kathy Good, Phoenix, AZ)

Try turning the tables: Claim to have an *infestation* of 
          (Adam Chunn, Houston, TX)

Runner Up list name
          (Bill Strider, Gaithersburg, MD)

[      Copyright 2001 by Chris White   All rights reserved.      ]
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