TOP5 PETS
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TOPFIVE.COM'S LITTLE FIVERS -- PETS
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Et Tu, Fluffy?
October 22, 2001
The Top 9 Advantages of Owning a Lethal Pet
9> Snarling pit bull on the porch means fewer trick-or-treaters
and more candy for you.
8> Funny, you never realized how sweet and polite the Hell's
Angels next door were -- until you got "Spitty" the cobra.
7> The mailman gives YOU a $20 tip at Christmas for keeping
Killer on a short leash.
6> Saves you thousands of dollars each year on all your
contract hits.
5> Kids don't cut through your yard when your mountain lion
is tethered outside.
4> The dog ate your homework? Dude, he ate your TEACHER!
3> Nobody wants "bled to death after rabid goldfish bite" on
their autopsy report.
2> Nothing says "I think we should see other people" like an
electric eel in the bubble bath!
and the Number 1 Advantage of Owning a Lethal Pet...
1> Keeps the postman from delivering that letter with the
anthrax in it.
[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]
[ http://www.topfive.com ]
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Selected from 43 submissions from 16 contributors.
Today's Top5 Pets List authors are:
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Greg Pearson, Arlington, VA -- 1 (Good boy! 1st #1)
Chuck Schultz, Eastaboga, AL -- 1 (2nd #1)
Justin Cascio, Perth Amboy, NJ -- 2
Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA -- 2
Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 2
Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI -- 3
Kate Melnyk, Attleboro, MA -- 4
Dave Ferry, Leesburg, VA -- 5, 7, 9 (Purr-fecta!)
Brian E. Foster, Fairfax, VA -- 6
Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA -- 8, Topic, RU List Name
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA -- Topic, Banner tag
Bill Strider, Gaithersburg, MD -- Topic
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- List Vet
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Advantages of Owning a Lethal Pet
RUNNERS UP list -- D.O.A.
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Can you imagine the coolness factor *alone* of owning
Ninja Attack Hamsters?
(Dawson E. Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA)
Croc eggs taste just like turtle eggs but they're low in
cholesterol.
(Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia)
Cuts down on visits from in-laws.
(Susanne Turner, Louisville, KY)
(Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA)
Man-eating tigers all but assure you of never having to deal
filling out burglary reports with the police. Missing person
reports are a whole 'nother story.
(Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA)
Neighbors don't complain about late night barking more than once.
(Greg Pearson, Arlington, VA)
No more struggling with the can opener.
(Greg Pearson, Arlington, VA)
No need to worry about common household pests, like rats,
bugs, and kids.
(Kate Melnyk, Attleboro, MA)
The asp you carry in your purse makes the problem of obnoxious
drunks at the club a thing of the past.
(Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)
The bully who took your lunch money? What bully?
(Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)
There's been a distinct shortage of Jehovah's Witnesses since
installing the panther in the front yard.
(Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)
You can neatly solve that door-to-door salesman problem,
*and* provide fertilizer for the vegetable garden!
(Dawson E. Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA)
(Kate Melnyk, Attleboro, MA)
Runner Up list name
(Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)
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[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White All rights reserved. ]
[ Do not forward, publish, broadcast, or use ]
[ in any manner without crediting "TopFive.com" ]
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