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                      I shed therefore I am


                         November 5, 2001


             The Top 8 Signs Your Pet is a Prostitute


 8> An iguana just shouldn't be coughing up hairballs.

 7> It turns out that the "guide dog" service she volunteers 
    for on the weekends is really an escort service.

 6> She sucks up to anyone with a wad of cash yet she is not a 
    member of Congress.

 5> She regularly gives a substantial portion of her kibble to a 
    Doberman wearing a white mink coat.

 4> She seems to have a lot more cash than usual.

 3> Your gouramis impose a strict "no kissing" rule.

 2> When your dog chases cars it always comes back with a twenty.


    and the Number 1 Sign Your Pet is a Prostitute...


 1> Her "tricks" have nothing to do with shaking hands.



              [   Copyright 2001 by Chris White    ]
              [       http://www.topfive.com       ]



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Selected from 33 submissions from 12 contributors.
Today's Top5 Pets List authors are:
------------------------------------------------------------------
Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY     -- 1 (2nd #1)
Adam Chunn, Houston, TX           -- 2
Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI     -- 3
Brian E. Foster, Fairfax, VA      -- 4
Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA  -- 5, 8
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA     -- 6, Banner Tag
Mark Weiss, Austin, TX            -- 7
Peg Warner, Exeter, NH            -- Topic
Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA -- RU list name
Bill Strider, Gaithersburg, MD    -- RU list name
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA        -- List Vet

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                  Signs Your Pet is a Prostitute
               RUNNERS UP list  --  Sloppy Seconds
------------------------------------------------------------------

A sleazy male cat in a purple sequined collar takes your female 
dog for a "walk" downtown every night.
          (James Knowles, Bellingham, WA)

Charges you for snuggles by the hour.
          (Kate Melnyk, Attleboro, MA)

Has started eating hot dogs from the table very differently 
of late.
          (Kate Melnyk, Attleboro, MA)

Prostitution?  What a relief!  I thought she was a *politician*!
          (Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)

She asks you to have her spayed.
          (Bill Strider, Gaithersburg, MD)

She won't let you kiss her on the lips anymore because it's 
"too personal."
          (Brian E. Foster, Fairfax, VA)

The vet prescribes a dose of penicillin with the usual worming.
          (Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA)

There's a line of males at your front door, but your pet is 
not in heat.
          (Brian E. Foster, Fairfax, VA)

You don't recall buying that little dish with "Miss Kitty" 
spelled out in rhinestones, especially since you own a Chihuahua.
          (Beth Baniszewski, Columbia, MD)

Your cat starts shaving its legs.
          (Jan Verrey, Alexandria, VA)


Runner Up list name
          (Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)
          (Bill Strider, Gaithersburg, MD)



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[      Copyright 2001 by Chris White   All rights reserved.      ]
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