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              That's "Top 35" in dog lists, you know


                        February 18, 2002


       The Top 8 Reasons Your Dog Didn't Win "Best in Show"
                   at the Westminster Dog Show


  8> He has this unfortunate little quirk of chewing the arm off
     anyone who is carrying a ribbon.

  7> His handler ate his homework.

  6> When the judge wants to see him go "once around the ring,
     please" she means at a brisk trot, not dragging his wormy
     butt on the carpet every inch of the way.

  5> Your dog and the judge both showed up sporting the
     same hairdo.

  4> It was your fault, really. You misunderstood the rules and
     fed him lots of roughage in preparation for the elimination
     round.

  3> The Club's wrongheaded refusal to recognize robotic dogs as
     "legitimate."

  2> Master strategy falls apart when it becomes apparent that
     this event does not include a Frisbee toss.


     and the Number 1 Reason Your Dog Didn't Win "Best in Show"
                  at the Westminster Dog Show...


  1> Quick to obey commands? Yup.
     Obvious good breeding? But of course.
     Remembered to bring dog? Uh-oh.



              [   Copyright 2002 by Chris White    ]
              [       http://www.topfive.com       ]


==================================================================
Selected from 28 submissions from 10 contributors.
Today's Top5 Pets List authors are:
------------------------------------------------------------------
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA         -- 1 (4th #1)
RW Lipp, Lenexa, KS                   -- 2
Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA      -- 3
Charles Schnabel, Shaker Heights, OH  -- 4
Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA     -- 5, Runner Up list name
Mark Weiss, Austin, TX                -- 6, 7
Dave Goudsward, Boynton Beach, FL     -- 8
Kathy Good, Scottsdale, AZ            -- Topic
Adam Chunn, Houston, TX               -- Banner Tag
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA            -- List Vet

==================================================================
            Reasons Your Dog Didn't Win "Best in Show"
                   at the Westminster Dog Show
            RUNNERS UP list  --  Warning: These Bite!
------------------------------------------------------------------

AKC still doesn't recognize the breed "Mexican rat shaved to
look like a Chihuahua."
           (Dave Goudsward, Boynton Beach, FL)

He sniffed all the wrong butts.
           (Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA)

Hoity-toity Westminster doesn't have any of those cool categories
like "longest ears."
           (RW Lipp, Lenexa, KS)

Points deducted for each quart of slobber Spike drooled on the
judge.
           (Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY)

The WDS? I've been entering her in the WSD and all I got was
investment advice from The Wall Street Digest.
           (Dave Ferry, Leesburg, VA)

Your little champion's flatulence can defoliate an oak tree at
500 feet.
           (Dave Goudsward, Boynton Beach, FL )


Runner Up list name
           (Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)


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