Humor with a cold wet nose

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Top5 Pets is owned by
Chris White

Top 50 Pet Sites

      Do not administer to kittens less than 8 weeks of age

                          April 29, 2002

                    The Top 9 Pet Personal Ads

 9> FRISKY PUP seeks some tail. Tired of going in circles. Let's
    catch up some time -- you can lead the way.

 8> ME: from a large family, survivor of attempted infanticide. 
    Hobbies include nesting and running the wheel. ISO human, 
    gender unimportant, for Habitrail construction and nocturnal
    entertainment. No snake owners, please.

 7> SLEEK, SLIM-HIPPED, and speedy: this sun-worshipping gal WLTM 
    her match... Blue bellied guys a plus, fatties and skanky 
    Skinks need not apply. BYOF! (Bring your own flies.)

 6> PLAYMATES SOUGHT: Open-minded pair (Labrador, M, and Siamese,
    F) seek fellow adventurers into unexplored realms of frisky 
    fun. We like toys, trips in the car, and snuggle fests 
    underneath old blankets. Mixed couples, only, please.

 5> SOMETHING FISHY'S going on. Meet me at the castle for a 
    clothing-optional moonlight swim. Ready to break out of my 
    glass house and meet a bubbly new personality.

 4> SHARE YOUR PAIN: Recently neutered Cocker Spaniel looking to 
    form support group for grief therapy, mutual counseling, maybe
    just a good cry. No weirdoes, NO CATS!

 3> SF LOOKING for weak-willed and easily manipulated human to do 
    bidding. Must enjoy digging for buried treasure. Expensive yet 
    delicate furniture a plus.

 2> I LIKE TO WATCH: Last Wednesday, in the living room. Me: 
    Goldylocks hanging out by the castle. You: Brunette sunning 
    yourself on the rug. You gratified yourself with a tongue bath 
    that made me want to jump into a cold shower! Let's make it a
    regular date.

               and the Number 1 Pet Personal Ad...

 1> HEY THERE, LADIES. Looking for a man who is both handsome and
    *ahem* long? Come lie in the sun with me, we'll laze there for
    hours, and I'll wrap myself around you and hold you tight. 
    Don't expect a BBQ though -- I like my meat alive and kicking.

             [   Copyright 2002 by Chris White    ]
             [       ]

Selected from 20 submissions from 12 contributors.
Today's Top5 Pets List authors are:
Seth Brown, Williamstown, MA      -- 1 (Attaboy! 1st #1)
Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA  -- 2, 4, 6 (Purr-fecta!)
Adam Chunn, Houston, TX           -- 3
Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL         -- 5, 9
Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA -- 7, Topic
Justin Cascio, Perth Amboy, NJ    -- 8
Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY     -- Topic
Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA    -- Runner Up list name
Virgil Steigerwald, Cleveland, OH -- Banner Tag
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA        -- List Vet

                         Pet Personal Ads
                  RUNNERS UP list  --  ISO Humor

MALE, 21 (in my years), golden hair, retrieving personality, 
fetching looks, I don't mind being faked out, I'm a real catch.
Lets have a ball!!!
          (James Knowles, Bellingham, WA)

ME: GRACEFUL (so how come I'm always knocking things over?), sleek
(if I eat fish one more time I'll grown fins!) quiet (but I have my
ways of making my wishes known). You: Willing to spoil me rotten 
with plenty of attention (I may not respond) and treats.
          (Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY)

QUEEN seeks adulant worshippers. I am an Egyptian princess with 
short hair, and sit around looking pretty with no clothes on. In 
return, you will tend to my every desire, bring me food, empty my 
chamber pot, and stroke and caress my body.
          (Seth Brown, Williamstown, MA)

SINGLE FEMALE of mixed birth, I seek single or married male 
for long-term relationship, heavy petting and some licking. 
No neuters, please.
          (Dawson E. Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA)

SINGLE FURRY FELINE: treat me like a god and I might acknowledge
your existence, but don't bet on it.
          (James Knowles, Bellingham, WA)

Runner Up list name
          (Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA)

[      Copyright 2002 by Chris White   All rights reserved.      ]
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