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Cat Hair - The Timeless Fashion Accessory May 20, 2002 The Top 10 Signs That Your Professor's Pet Is Grading Your Exams 10> The comments are no less legible than usual, but you think that this time the brown stains aren't coffee. 9> His parrot's penmanship is better. 8> Instead of red pen marks chewing you out for incorrect answers, you find that the incorrect answers themselves have been chewed out. 7> Why else would 50% of your Physics grade depend on your answer to the ball throwing question? 6> "Your essay was particularly weak, your short answers show a complete lack of comprehension of the topic and you can't fill in blanks to save your life. Yet *I'm* the one who got neutered -- go figure." 5> You fail your history midterm because all your dates are off by a factor of seven. 4> You get an F on your Egyptian mythology paper for referring to the practice of cat-worship as "archaic." 3> "For a story of mice and men, you seemed awfully focused on the men..." 2> Your Dramatic Writing paper comes back marked "Me and my buddies did better than this typing at random." and the Number 1 Sign That Your Professor's Pet Is Grading Your Exams... 1> Papers that were stored in your gym bag invariably get the highest marks. [ Copyright 2002 by Chris White ] [ http://www.topfive.com ] ================================================================== Selected from 31 submissions from 12 contributors. Today's Top5 Pets List authors are: ------------------------------------------------------------------ Justin Cascio, Perth Amboy, NJ -- 1 (3rd #1) Adam Chunn, Houston, TX -- 2, 5, 10 (Purr-fecta!) Kate Melnyk, Dedham, MA -- 3 Seth Brown, Williamstown, MA -- 4, 8, 10 (Purr-fecta!) Dave Goudsward, Boynton Beach, FL -- 6 RW Lipp, Lenexa, KS -- 7, Topic Dave Ferry, Leesburg, VA -- 9 Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA -- Runner Up list name James Knowles, Bellingham, WA -- Banner Tag Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- List Vet ================================================================== Signs That Your Professor's Pet Is Grading Your Exams RUNNERS UP list -- Paper Chasers ------------------------------------------------------------------ Forget intellectual content, just doing it "on the paper" wins lavish praise. (James Knowles, Bellingham, WA) In lieu of comments, there's just a big yellow stain on the first page. (Dave Goudsward, Boynton Beach, FL) Offers to raise your grade -- "if you scratch my tum, then I'll scratch yours." (Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL) The paper is smeared with wire wheel grease, it smells vaguely of sawdust and your grade is spelled out in little brown pellets. (James Knowles, Bellingham, WA) The returned exam is covered with slightly more slobber than usual. (James Knowles, Bellingham, WA) Your bluebook wasn't so much graded as it was shaken to pieces. (Mark Weiss, Austin, TX) Runner Up list name (Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA) ================================================================== [ TOPFIVE.COM'S LITTLE FIVERS ] [ "Top 10" lists on a variety of subjects ] [ http://www.topfive.com ] ================================================================== [ Copyright 2002 by Chris White All rights reserved. ] [ Do not forward, publish, broadcast, or use ] [ in any manner without crediting "TopFive.com" ] ==================================================================