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                        Give Pekes a Chance


                            May 27, 2002

                      NOTE FROM THE LIST VET:

      Washington Post columnist Bob Levey recently decried the
       mere mention of a beloved pet in a people obituary and
            the inclusion of pets in wedding ceremonies.

      Grrrrrrrr. The List Vet's brother had a Black Lab act as
    "best dog" in a lovely wedding ceremony at a lakeside park;
Laddie was better behaved than some of the human wedding guests.

    Nonetheless Levey, apparently equating love for animals with
   disdain for humankind, sniffs that Pet People "... are already
looking for new worlds to conquer. And they are conquering them."
       Darn tootin', Bob. Here's a glimpse of things to come.


                 The Top 10 Changes That Will Come
                  When the "Pet People" Take Over


10> "Excuse me -- could you not? My dog hates cell phones."

 9> "I have you down for a table for three on Saturday night at
     6:30. Will that be Shedding or Non-Shedding?"

 8> Veterinary bills covered by Medicare.

 7> With pooper scooper laws repealed, pedestrians start wearing
    plastic bags on their feet.

 6> 100% of the newspaper comics devoted to cat/dog/penguin strips,
    up from the present 96%.

 5> Cat hair on your lapel considered the ultimate fashion
    statement.

 4> Bob Levey's column replaced by photo-diary of Mr. Wiggles, the
    adorable Lhasa Apso.

 3> Paid bereavement leave extended to pet-owning employees.

 2> Mail carriers required to wear running shorts made of beef
    jerky.


               and the Number 1 Change That Will Come
                 When the "Pet People" Take Over...


 1> "Who's a good Vice President? YOU ARE! Yes you ARE!"



              [   Copyright 2002 by Chris White    ]
              [       http://www.topfive.com       ]


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Selected from 32 submissions from 12 contributors.
Today's Top5 Pets List authors are:
------------------------------------------------------------------
Dawson E. Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA      -- 1 (6th #1)
Kim Walker-Daniels, Sun Prairie, WI -- 2, 5
Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA     -- 3, 7
Seth Brown, Williamstown, MA         -- 4, 8
Adam Chunn, Houston, TX              -- 5
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA        -- 6, 9
Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY           -- 9, 10
Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY        -- 9
Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA    -- 9
Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA       -- Topic
Charles Schnabel, Shaker Heights, OH -- Runner Up list name
Virgil Steigerwald, Cleveland, OH    -- Banner Tag
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA           -- List Vet

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       Changes That Will Come When the "Pet People" Take Over
              RUNNERS UP list -- Up Against the Wall
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"Going stag" to an event literally means bringing a stag.
           (Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)

"Insufficient Walkies" becomes a felony in most states.
           (James Knowles, Bellingham, WA)

"No Pets Allowed" signs replaced with "MUST BE Accompanied by Fur,
Fins or Feathers in Order to Enter!"
           (Kim Walker-Daniels, Sun Prairie, WI)

A bronze statue of Lassie erected on The Mall in Washington, DC.
           (Dave Ferry, Leesburg, VA)

All pet food commercials broadcast in Smell-O-Vision.
           (Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY)

Antiquated term "dog" replaced by more politically correct "Canine-
American."
           (Seth Brown, Williamstown, MA)

Every other page in the newspaper is a large red target sign -- and
they aren't ads.
           (Adam Chunn, Houston, TX)

The New Super Bowl: Frisbees instead of footballs, and all the wide
receivers are Border Collies.
           (Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY )

When entering a fancy restaurant a dog need only don a tie, because
the coat requirement has already been met.
           (Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)


Runner Up list name
           (Charles Schnabel, Shaker Heights, OH)

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