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Chris White

Top 50 Pet Sites

                           No bad gags.

                        November 11, 2002

                     NOTE FROM THE LIST VET:

           Of course you know that one dog year equals
           seven human years. We here at Top5 Pets have
         prepared a convenient conversion chart with some
       other equations that you might NOT have known about.

               The Top 9 Lesser-Known Pet Equations

9> Amount of love your dog has for you = number of doggy biscuits
    in your pocket

8> 20 cats in a one-bedroom apartment = $0 back from your security

7> 100 tennis balls fetched = 1.2 liters of slobber transferred 
    to your palm

6> 1 long piece of ribbon + 1 playful kitty = $600 vet bill for
    foreign body removal surgery

5> 14 helpings of Fancy Feast per week = 0.0 iotas of gratitude

4> 1 purebred show dog + 1 unaltered mutt + 1 malfunctioning
    garden hose = 1 small claims lawsuit

3> 1 Pit Bull = 0 neighbor kids on your lawn

2> 100 Labrador IQ points = 1 human IQ point

          and the Number 1 Lesser-Known Pet Equation...

1> 1 goat in a wedding dress = 6 months to a year in the county

             [   Copyright 2002 by Chris White    ]
             [       ]

Selected from 39 submissions from 14 contributors.
Today's Top5 Pets List authors are:
Mark Weiss, Austin, TX            -- 1 (6th #1)
Stephen Dudzik, Olney, MD         -- 2
Dave Ferry, Purvis, MS            -- 3
Justin Cascio, Brooklyn, NY       -- 4
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA      -- 5, 7
Kate Melnyk, Dedham, MA           -- 6
Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA    -- 8, Runner Up list name
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA     -- 9, Topic
Virgil Steigerwald, Cleveland, OH -- Banner Tag
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA        -- List Vet

                    Lesser-Known Pet Equations
              RUNNERS UP list -- Does Not Compute

1 foul-mouthed parrot = 1 letter of apology to the minister
          (Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY)

1 pet + 1 actor = 2nd billing for actor
          (Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)

1 python = 0 visits from friends with small children
          (Dave Goudsward, Lake Worth, FL)

2 cats + 1 clean pair of trousers = 1 date cancellation
          (Justin Cascio, Brooklyn, NY)

2 hamsters + 6 months = infinite hamsters
          (Dave Goudsward, Lake Worth, FL)

2 small, yappy dogs living in your house = annual contract with
carpet cleaners
          (Kathy Good, Scottsdale, AZ)

42 pit bull teeth = $300,000 lawsuit
          (Stephen Dudzik, Olney, MD)

Infinity = the number of times a 6-year-old will plead for a pet
between any given date and Christmas
          (Kim Walker-Daniels, Sun Prairie, WI)

Time it takes your cat to decide on going outside while you hold
open the door = time it takes your toes to freeze to the floor
          (James Knowles, Bellingham, WA)

Runner Up list name
          (Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA)

[      Copyright 2002 by Chris White   All rights reserved.      ]
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