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            Dude! You're gettin' a Dell box to sit in!

                        December 16, 2002

               The Top 10 Reasons Santa Doesn't Use 
                Other Animals to Pull His Sleigh

10> Sloths: "Yes, Virginia, Santa flies all the way around the
    world in just one decade!"

 9> Bulls: Lethal choice for a man who dresses all in red.

 8> Elephants: And you thought *reindeer* crap in the rain
    gutters was a bitch.

 7> Bats: Sonar equipped? Check.
    Nocturnal flyers? Check.
    Suck children's blood? Uh-oh.

 6> Sea Monkeys: By the time Santa gets them all harnessed
    they've already frozen to death.

 5> Hound Dogs: "On Buford! On Bubba! On Cletus and Earnhardt!"

 4> Unicorns: Rudolph with your nose so-- OUCH!

 3> Lemmings: Before Santa can get back up the chimney they've
    all leaped to their deaths.

 2> Bears: Gifts seldom delivered before spring.

           and the Number 1 Reason Santa Doesn't Use 
              Other Animals to Pull His Sleigh...

 1> Baboons: Provide as much light as Rudolph, but *you* try
    flying with eight red butts glowing in your face.

             [   Copyright 2002 by Chris White    ]
             [       ]

Selected from 49 submissions from 17 contributors.
Today's Top5 Pets List authors are:
Kathy Good, Scottsdale, AZ         -- 1, 6 (Good girl! 1st #1)
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA      -- 1, 5, Topic (11th #1)
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA       -- 1, 3 (5th #1)
Greg Pearson, Arlington, VA        -- 2, 7
Adam Chunn, Houston, TX            -- 3
Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY      -- 3
Seth Brown, Williamstown, MA       -- 4
Justin Cascio, Brooklyn, NY        -- 8
Kristian Idol, Burbank, CA         -- 9
Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA     -- 10, Topic
Virgil Steigerwald, Cleveland, OH  -- Runner Up list name
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA      -- Banner Tag
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA         -- List Vet

   Reasons Santa Doesn't Use Other Animals to Pull His Sleigh
                  RUNNERS UP list -- Grounded

Birds: They'll only fly south.
          (Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)

Deer: Christmas falls right in the middle of hunting season.
          (Dave Ferry, Purvis, MS)

Elephants: "Up on the rooftop, smash, smash, smash."
          (Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA)

French Poodles: Roll over and play dead every time they near
the German border.
          (Dave Goudsward, Lake Worth, FL)

Kangaroos: Santa's shocks just won't hold up.
          (Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY)

Mice: Too easily picked off by sharp-eyed raptors.
          (Stephen Dudzik, Olney, MD)

Parakeets: Keep pulling the tail feathers out of the reinkeets
in front of them.
          (Adam Chunn, Houston, TX)

Rabbits: The team of eight would be more than 37,000 before Santa
finished the first city.
          (Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)

Skunks: Impossible for Santa to hold down his milk and cookies.
          (Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY)

Tortoises: Keep retracting their heads out of the harness.
          (Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)

Runner Up list name
          (Virgil Steigerwald, Cleveland, OH)

[      Copyright 2002 by Chris White   All rights reserved.      ]
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