coldwetnose.ws - humor with a cold wet nose

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Dude! You're gettin' a Dell box to sit in! December 16, 2002 The Top 10 Reasons Santa Doesn't Use Other Animals to Pull His Sleigh 10> Sloths: "Yes, Virginia, Santa flies all the way around the world in just one decade!" 9> Bulls: Lethal choice for a man who dresses all in red. 8> Elephants: And you thought *reindeer* crap in the rain gutters was a bitch. 7> Bats: Sonar equipped? Check. Nocturnal flyers? Check. Suck children's blood? Uh-oh. 6> Sea Monkeys: By the time Santa gets them all harnessed they've already frozen to death. 5> Hound Dogs: "On Buford! On Bubba! On Cletus and Earnhardt!" 4> Unicorns: Rudolph with your nose so-- OUCH! 3> Lemmings: Before Santa can get back up the chimney they've all leaped to their deaths. 2> Bears: Gifts seldom delivered before spring. and the Number 1 Reason Santa Doesn't Use Other Animals to Pull His Sleigh... 1> Baboons: Provide as much light as Rudolph, but *you* try flying with eight red butts glowing in your face. [ Copyright 2002 by Chris White ] [ http://www.topfive.com ] ================================================================== Selected from 49 submissions from 17 contributors. Today's Top5 Pets List authors are: ------------------------------------------------------------------ Kathy Good, Scottsdale, AZ -- 1, 6 (Good girl! 1st #1) James Knowles, Bellingham, WA -- 1, 5, Topic (11th #1) Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 1, 3 (5th #1) Greg Pearson, Arlington, VA -- 2, 7 Adam Chunn, Houston, TX -- 3 Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY -- 3 Seth Brown, Williamstown, MA -- 4 Justin Cascio, Brooklyn, NY -- 8 Kristian Idol, Burbank, CA -- 9 Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA -- 10, Topic Virgil Steigerwald, Cleveland, OH -- Runner Up list name James Knowles, Bellingham, WA -- Banner Tag Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- List Vet ================================================================== Reasons Santa Doesn't Use Other Animals to Pull His Sleigh RUNNERS UP list -- Grounded ------------------------------------------------------------------ Birds: They'll only fly south. (Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA) Deer: Christmas falls right in the middle of hunting season. (Dave Ferry, Purvis, MS) Elephants: "Up on the rooftop, smash, smash, smash." (Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA) French Poodles: Roll over and play dead every time they near the German border. (Dave Goudsward, Lake Worth, FL) Kangaroos: Santa's shocks just won't hold up. (Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY) Mice: Too easily picked off by sharp-eyed raptors. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney, MD) Parakeets: Keep pulling the tail feathers out of the reinkeets in front of them. (Adam Chunn, Houston, TX) Rabbits: The team of eight would be more than 37,000 before Santa finished the first city. (Mark Weiss, Austin, TX) Skunks: Impossible for Santa to hold down his milk and cookies. (Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY) Tortoises: Keep retracting their heads out of the harness. (Larry Hollister, Concord, CA) Runner Up list name (Virgil Steigerwald, Cleveland, OH) ================================================================== [ Copyright 2002 by Chris White All rights reserved. ] [ Do not forward, publish, broadcast, or use ] [ in any manner without crediting "TopFive.com" ] ==================================================================