TOP5 PETS

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Dreadful sorry about the intrusive Tripod ads. We have pulled up stakes and moved to an ad-free environment*.

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Chris White www.topfive.com

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                   Pop Goeth Before the Weasel


                         January 20, 2003

                     NOTE FROM THE LIST VET:

           The Berlin Zoo has stirred up controversy by
        "retiring" middle-aged chimps who are too sluggish
              to be of interest to paying customers.


      The Top 9 Signs Your Chimp Is Having a Mid-Life Crisis


 9> Traded in the old kiddie-car for a red 'Vette.

 8> Has replaced his Michael Jackson posters with shots of
    Avril Lavigne eating a banana.

 7> She trades her cowgirl outfit for a slutty schoolgirl
    uniform.

 6> He's dropped Camus, Kant and Kierkegaard in favor of
    Erma Bombeck.

 5> He spurns Jane Goodall and will only be studied by her
    hot blonde research associate.

 4> He secretly yearns to be poached.

 3> His old fantasy of swinging through the jungle with Tarzan has
    been replaced by dreams of a round of golf with Gerald Ford.

 2> Flinging poop at onlookers now requires a dose of Metamucil
    beforehand.


             and the Number 1 Sign Your Chimp Is 
                  Having a Mid-Life Crisis...


 1> You've seen bad toupees before, but never on an ass.



             [   Copyright 2003 by Chris White    ]
             [       http://www.topfive.com       ]


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Selected from 32 submissions from 11 contributors.
Today's Top5 Pets List authors are:
------------------------------------------------------------------
Adam Chunn, Houston, TX           -- 1, 2 (4th #1)
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA     -- 3
Stephen Dudzik, Olney, MD         -- 4, 5
Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA -- 6, 9
Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA    -- 7, Topic
Dave Goudsward, Lake Worth, FL    -- 8
Mark Weiss, Austin, TX            -- 9
Virgil Steigerwald, Cleveland, OH -- Banner Tag
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA        -- List Vet

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