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            Better looking than that freakin' poodle.

                        February 10, 2003

                     NOTE FROM THE LIST VET:

      Even if you live under a rock you've probably heard of
   "American Idol," a TV phenomenon wherein pop star wannabes
    strut their stuff before a panel of hard-to-impress judges.
Sounds a lot like the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show -- only
                maybe with slightly less drooling.

       The Top 9 Differences if the Westminster Kennel Club
               Dog Show Were Run Like American Idol

9> Given an hour to put together a song-and-dance routine,
    contestants spend the entire time sniffing each others'

8> No pups over 24 months allowed!

7> Poodle hairdos are only slightly poufier than the average
    human contestant's.

6> Paula Abdul scoffs: "You call that dancing? It's as if you 
    have two left feet!"

5> Simon's latest zinger: "I just want to know: Where is your 
    dog, and why are you walking your compost heap?"

4> Since wearing fur coats is politically incorrect, all
    contestants must be shaved.

3> Cacophonous howling, incessant whining, outrageous haircuts.
    What do you mean "if"?

2> Despite the insightful appraisals of the judges, the phone-in
    voters always pick the Scooby-Doo look-alikes.

    and the Number 1 Difference if the Westminster Kennel Club
             Dog Show Were Run Like American Idol...

1> PETA would be all over Simon's ass for cruelty to animals.

             [   Copyright 2003 by Chris White    ]
             [       ]

Selected from 35 submissions from 13 contributors.
Today's Top5 Pets List authors are:
Stephanie Thompson, Brainerd, MN -- 1 (Best in Show! 1st #1)
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA      -- 2, 5
RW Lipp, Lenexa, KS               -- 3
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA     -- 4
Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA    -- 6, 9, Topic
Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI     -- 7
Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA -- 8
Virgil Steigerwald, Cleveland, OH -- Runner Up list name
Bill Strider, Gaithersburg, MD    -- Banner Tag
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA        -- List Vet

       Differences if the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show
                   Were Run Like American Idol
               RUNNERS UP list -- Torn to Ribbons

Every dog would have spiked, dyed-blond hair. No wait, that would 
be if it were run by *Billy* Idol.
          (RW Lipp, Lenexa, KS)

How in the hell is a Basenji ever going to make it to the top when
it can't even bark?
          (Kathy Good, Scottsdale, AZ)

It just wouldn't work. You worship idols and this is a dog show, 
not a cat show.
          (RW Lipp, Lenexa, KS)

Simon tells one of the handlers that if her dog wins it will
probably be the end of that particular breed.
          (Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)

When contestants whine about losing, it's because that's the only
way they know how to communicate, whereas in the *dog show*....
          (Rabbi Crut, Bowling Green, OH)

Runner Up list name
          (Virgil Steigerwald, Cleveland, OH)

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