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            "A tuna, a tuna! My kingdom for a tuna!"

                           June 2, 2003

       The Top 9 Differences If Shakespeare Had Been a Cat

 9> There would have been none of this "'Tis nobler to suffer"

 8> "Out, out, damned Spot! And you too, Rover!"

 7> The balcony scene in "Romeo and Juliet" would take place on an
    elaborately carpeted play platform.

 6> His body of work would include the play "Two Gentlemen of

 5> "Exeunt" would involve all actors bolting from stage to 
    kitchen for no apparent reason.

 4> "What fools these humans be."

 3> "Unleash the Dogs of War... then call the Dogs of War 

 2> Othello plays with a wounded Desdemona for 45 minutes before
    finally dispatching her.

    and the Number 1 Difference If Shakespeare Had Been a Cat...

 1> Coriolanus summons his troops by running the can opener.

             [   Copyright 2003 by Chris White    ]
             [       ]

Selected from 29 submissions from 10 contributors.
Today's Top5 Pets List authors are:
Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA -- 1, 2 (9th #1)
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA    -- 3, Banner Tag
Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY    -- 4
Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI    -- 5, 7
Brad Wilkerson, El Sobrante, CA  -- 6
Mark Weiss, Austin, TX           -- 8
Dawson E. Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA  -- 9
Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA   -- Topic
Dave Ferry, Purvis, MS           -- Runner Up list name
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA       -- List Vet

            Differences if Shakespeare Had Been a Cat
             RUNNERS UP list -- Out, Out, Damn Cat

"Hark! What light through yonder window breaks; 'tis the sun, and
I will lay in it for the next 12 hours, moving only when it
          (Brad Wilkerson, El Sobrante, CA)

"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?, Oh if only they hadn't
taken me to the vet for a spay."
          (Rabbi Crut, Bowling Green, OH)

"To be or not to be... that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler
to suffer the... Hey! A shiny spot on the wall! Get it! GET IT!"
          (Brad Wilkerson, El Sobrante, CA)

Hamlet's father doesn't die. He still has eight more lives.
          (Dave Ferry, Purvis, MS)
          (Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA)

My mousie's eyes are nowhere to be found
The felt that makes her skin is blood-like red
If rats do squeak, alas, she makes no sound
And stuffing from her breast lies 'neath the bed....
          (Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI)

Something is rotten in the state of my litter box.
          (Rabbi Crut, Bowling Green, OH)

Twenty seconds of frenzied activity onstage invariably followed by
two hours of napping.
          (Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA)

Runner Up list name
          (Dave Ferry, Purvis, MS)

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