Humor with a cold wet nose

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               Tastes nothing at all like chicken.

                        November 10, 2003

                     NOTE FROM THE LIST VET:

    A 16-month-old pup drew a record winning bid of $70,000 at
the semiannual auction of the National Greyhound Association.

       You can bet that a pooch that pricey comes with more
        than the standard package of fur, fangs and feces.

               The Top 9 Features of a $70,000 Dog

 9> To avoid risky interactions with other dogs, he comes with a

 8> Not only plays catch with you but has a blinding 
    95-mph fastball.

 7> Tell him to "roll over" and he'll know exactly which stock
    options to choose.

 6> Regular dogs are babe magnets. He's a super-model magnet.

 5> When you tell him to play dead he performs the entire fifth act
    of "Hamlet."

 4> Licks your balls instead of his own.

 3> Doesn't just chase his tail; he deftly captures it, removes it
    and presents it to you.

 2> Forget mailmen. He only chases private couriers.

            and the Number 1 Feature of a $70,000 Dog...

 1> I dunno, it didn't taste any different than the other dogs I've
    swiped from my neighbors.

             [   Copyright 2003 by Chris White    ]
             [       ]

Selected from 39 submissions from 14 contributors.
Today's Top5 Pets List authors are:
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA    -- 1 (17th #1)
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA     -- 2, 3, 9 (Purr-fecta!)
Bill Strider, Gaithersburg, MD   -- 4
Patrick O'Driscoll, St Louis, MO -- 5
Brad Wilkerson, El Sobrante, CA -- 6
Marlene K. Goodman, Wheeling, IL -- 7
Dave Ferry, Purvis, MS           -- 8
Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL         -- Topic
Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA   -- Runner Up list name
Scott Bostick, Lake Ridge, VA    -- Banner Tag
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA       -- List Vet

                    Features of a $70,000 Dog
     RUNNERS UP list -- Diamonds on the Pads of Their Paws

Brilliant programming and a long-life battery.
          (Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)

He still has fleas, but they've been trained to line-dance.
          (James Knowles, Bellingham, WA)

His tricks? "Roll Over," "Play Dead" and "Pick the Winning Lotto
          (Brad Wilkerson, El Sobrante, CA)

Humps your leg with the exotic skill of a high-priced call girl.
          (Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA)

No walkies for her. Only rides in the limo.
          (Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)

Who cares? He came with his own Corvette.
          (Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)

With one butt-sniff he can analyze what you had for dinner and
prescribe a good weight loss plan for you.
          (Marlene K. Goodman, Wheeling, IL)

Runner Up list name
          (Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA)

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