Humor with a cold, wet nose


Please provide the following information ASAP in an e-mail addressed to with the subject line ID TAGS.
  • Your contributor code (See below)
  • Your first and last name as you would like it to appear in the list credits (REAL names only, please OR plausible pseudonyms, if you have reason to remain anonymous.)
  • Your city and state (and/or country, if you do not reside in the US)
Please notify the List Vet at if any of the above infobits changes.
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  • A new Top5 Pets list is published every Monday.

  • To see the finished list you MUST be subscribed to the Top5Pets list at -- you do NOT automatically receive it by virtue of being a contributor. Sorry, that's just the way things work -- Topica stipulates that individuals must sign up on their own; the List Vet is not allowed do this on your behalf.

  • Not receiving finished lists? Send a blank e-mail to OR go to, click the box next to Pets, provide an e-mail address then click the Sign Me Up! button. Heck, while you're there, subscribe to some of our sibling Fivers.

  • The archive of past Top5 Pets lists is viewable at
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  • Like all Mini Fivers, Top5 Pets is a scaled-down version of the Top Five List we all know and love. Top5 Pets topics reflect some aspect of the world of pets and the people they own.

  • Each weekly list has between 5 and 10 items.

  • When the hilarity level is high enough, a Runners-Up list of up to 15 items is included.

  • Unless otherwise instructed, please restrict your definition of "pets" to include only the following domestic-type animals and NOT large or wild animals primarily associated with the circus, zoo, barnyard, wilderness or frat house.

    • House cats
    • House dogs (NOT dingos, wolves, coyotes, etc.)
    • Horses and ponies (but NOT work horses such as those employed by police departments or beer companies)
    • Rodents such as rabbits, guinea pigs, ferrets, mice, gerbils, hamsters, etc.
    • Birds such as budgies, parrots, cockatiels, etc.
    • Reptiles and amphibians such as box turtles, tree frogs, non-poisonous snakes, lizards, iguanas, etc.
    • Fish (gold or home-aquarium-type)
    • Insects such as ant farm ants and tarantulas
    • Small exotics such as monkeys, pot-bellied pigs, etc. (NOT lions and tigers and bears)

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  • Unless the List Vet has advised you otherwise, your contributor code is the first two letters of your LAST name followed immediately by the first two letters of your FIRST name.

  • Lower case, please.

  • For example, if your name is Bullwinkle J. Moose, your contrib code is mobu. Accordingly, Rocket J. Squirrel's contrib code is (let's say it together) sqro.
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DO... DON'T...
  • Put your contrib code in lower case.

  • Put LIST ITEMS (limit 3) and LIST NAME SUGGESTIONS (limit 2) in the same e-mail.

  • Make sure that LIST NAME SUGGESTIONS:
    • conform with the topic theme, and
    • suggest that the RU items are inferior to the ones on the main list, e.g. "Runts"

  • Address questions or comments to the List Vet in a separate message with the subject line QUESTION - [TOPIC NAME]

  • Read the entire topic announcement carefully for deadline, special formatting instructions, and other info.

  • Stick to the deadline (usually Thursdays at Midnight Pacific). There is NO guarantee that late submissions will be included in the finished list.
  • Put your contrib code in UPPER CASE.

  • Insert blank lines or add any kind of separator between your list item submissions and list name suggestions. That's what the ">" and "<" are there for.

  • Add comments or questions to your submissions.

  • Submit jokes about hamster/gerbil stuffing or anything that suggests that cruelty to animals is fun. You have been warned.

  • Feel obligated to meet your per-topic quota of 3 list items and 2 RU list names. We value quality over quantity.

  • Submit anything that is NOT your own original work.

  • Forget to be creative and have fun!
Improperly formatted and overlimit items will be euthanized unread.
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Send topic ideas with SUBMIT - TOPIC in the subject line to When necessary, please include web links and/or explanatory notes. Multiple topic suggestions in a single e-mail are ok. No need for your code; just put your name in there somewhere so we know whom to credit.
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  • What's a banner tag? That little blurb thingy that appears at the very tip-top of a published list. It is a one-liner not necessarily associated with the topic of the list that follows. It's just there to set the tone for what follows, i.e. hilarious humor of a funny nature. The pet-relateder the banner tag, the better. See the list of banner tags used so far.

  • Send banner tags with SUBMIT - TAG in the subject line to Multiple banner tag suggestions in a single e-mail are ok. No need for your code; just put your name in there somewhere so we know whom to credit.
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You are eligible to join T5L-Nigel, a chat list for all Little Fiver contributors and moderators. To join: send a blank e-mail to
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The doggie door is always open at
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